When people think about fostering, they often picture the foster carers opening up their home to a child in need. What is sometimes less visible is the important role played by the children who grow up alongside foster children and help them feel part of the family.
For 20-year-old Jake, fostering has been a normal part of life for almost half of his childhood and teenage years.
In fact, it was Jake who first planted the seed that led his family into fostering.
“It was actually me who said I wanted either an adopted or fostered brother or sister and my mum took that on board and went through the process,” he explains.
Growing up in a fostering family
Around eight months later, the family welcomed their first foster child. Jake quickly embraced the experience.
“I thought it was great. I didn’t really have any reservations about people coming into the house and living here. I thought it was great that they got to have this temporary place where they can feel at home and feel like they’re actually part of the family.”
Over the years, Jake has seen children of different ages come through the family’s doors. Each brought their own needs and experiences.
When older children arrived, he understood the importance of giving them space while helping them feel welcome.
“Obviously they’re in a new area, new environment, new people, new everything. It was about trying to make them feel welcome without invading their personal space because they’re in a very vulnerable state.”
For younger children, particularly babies, building trust often looked different. Jake says creating a connection was especially important.
“Through things like holding them more, making sure they see your face and hear your voice.”
Helping foster children feel at home
As a birth child in a fostering household, Jake believes children of foster carers can play an important role in helping foster children settle in.
“Sometimes a lot of kids want to be able to talk to someone who’s maybe more equal and on their level.”
He recalls building a strong rapport with one foster child who stayed with his family for several years, while another younger child felt comfortable talking to both him and his mum when he was feeling upset.
Lessons that last a lifetime
Reflecting on his upbringing, he believes fostering has helped shape the person he is today.
“It’s helped with things like patience and empathy. I was generally quite an empathetic child anyway, but it reinforces those things when you’re supporting someone on a day-to-day basis.”
The experience has given him a greater understanding that people can face challenges that aren’t always visible to others.
“The main thing is understanding that you don’t always know where people come from.”
When asked to sum up his experience of growing up in a fostering family, Jake’s answer perfectly captures what life has been like.
“It’s a very abnormal situation, but normal in the way that you get used to it. Having contact days, having new children in your life and sharing your parents, it just becomes normal.”
For Jake, fostering wasn’t something that happened around him, it was simply part of family life. And while every fostering journey is different, his story highlights the important role that the children of foster carers play in helping other children feel safe, welcomed and part of the family.
Interested in fostering?
If you’d like to learn more about fostering call our friendly team on 0121 303 7575, or enquire online today.
